Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Couch. On fire.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
