Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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