i permit you to call me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
