she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
