hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i now understand why vodka
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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