why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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