i barfeds in our rink
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
