when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
