Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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