rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
