so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
