She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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