I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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