So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
