i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
