I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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