So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
