You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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