god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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