btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize