I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
