"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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