Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
