bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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