Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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