pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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