i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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