my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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