yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
