sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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