So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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