Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
