girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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