Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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