I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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