): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize