so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
