i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
don't judge my taste in strippers
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
