This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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