Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
