You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
