Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
