I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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