and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
