So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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