it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
