Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize