So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
