Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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