There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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