Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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