stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
