census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
