ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
