Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He shit in the fireplace
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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