Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
