I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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