In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
