that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
