Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Text me some of your sweat
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize