got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
