Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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