i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize