This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
