So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
