Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
