So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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