i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
