Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
