when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
