you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
