Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
